But You'll All Know My Name

Notes: This story may get a bit violent for some tastes, and there will be foul language. So...Watch it. I'll make a navigator later when the story gets long.
The first chapter is rather half assed, I wrote it when I was tired after a French test, the rest will be better quality.

Also, would anyone be interested to see all the characters designs once I introduce everyone?
EDIT (September 26): Added Chapter 2

---

Do you really want to try me? I, I am the one holding the lifeline...
---
1.0

“Wow, this convention turned out better than I thought,” Janet excitingly clapped and spoke to her occupied friend beside her. She turned to watch her friend try out different bats up for sale, Janet rolled her eyes, “Geoffrey, you already have five bats, do you really need another?” Geoffrey eyed the metal bat resting in his hands, testing its weight and swing. With an unsatisfied feeling he placed the bat back in its holder.

“I wanted a new one, all my others are getting' old, ya know?” He replied quickly, Janet was always irked when Geoffrey talked too fast (which was all the time), she has always tried her best to make him stop, but it never worked. “Those bats are too heavy they hit hard, yeah but they take longer to get another swing in.”

“Geoffrey, please put pauses in your sentences...” Janet begged, Geoffrey just slipped her a sly grin, “hey! I mean it, mister!”

“Aw, the couple in its first fight, how sweet.” Two hands rested on their shoulders, one of them held a lit cigar, ready to fizzle out. The two preteens looked behind them to see the convention organizer, smiling in a teasing manner at them. “How are you enjoying yourselves so far?” He asked, taking a quick puff at his cigar.

“We're having tons of fun, you did a great job!” Janet jumped happily with her glowing review, “do this again next year!” Geoffrey just nodded, he had a less excited mood than his friend.

“Oh, please, you make me blush.” The organizer joke, he flicked his cigar onto the ground and put it out with his dress shoes.

“Hey, mister-”

The organizer waved away Janet's words, “Mister is too formal for my tastes, call me Giovanni.”

“Right, Giovanni, when will that attraction in the back start? The team survival thing.” Janet pointed over to the far side of the large room, Giovanni turned his attention to the direction she pointed at, Geoffrey did as well from instincts.

“That?” Giovanni paused, thinking, “in an hour, I suppose. You'll need a few more team members if you want to enter, though.” He informed, “about...Four more, three is also fine.” Janet looked over at Geoffrey with a defeated look, Geoffrey sighed.

“We don't know that many people here,” Geoffrey admitted, “we won't be able to enter.”

Giovanni chuckled, “Ah, don't worry kiddies, I'll help you find more members, in fact, I could be one if you don't mind an old man cramp your style.”

“I don't mind!” Janet beamed. Geoffrey shrugged, “We will meet you in an hour, then! Don't be late with the other members, or else!” She shook a fist in front of Giovanni who simply pushed it away.

“Calm yourself, I never fail with deadlines. Just be at the front gate I will show up with the rest of the team. Until then...” He gave a half-assed salute, “Later, kiddies.” He walked away and greeted other passing people as he left, Janet gave a bubbly giggle to Geoffrey.

“How lucky, huh!? We get to try out that attraction! I hope Giovanni keeps his word.” She hopped around on the spot where she stood, she couldn't contain her excitement.

Geoffrey smiled, “Wish he didn't call us kiddies since we ain't kids we are preteens.” Janet stopped skipping, giving a serious glared. Geoffrey gulped, “alright, alright, I'll stop talking fast. Geeze.” Janet smiled with victory.

“Well, let's go get something to eat before we go!” She ordered, skipping away over to the food court. Geoffrey slowly followed, looking back at the team survival attraction as he left the spot. He wondered what it be like, for he was too young to try it last year.

“I wonder if it is anything like the movies and video games...” He mumbled.
---
2.0

Janet and Geoffrey waited impatiently by the front gate, both looking out for Giovanni and a large group following him. Geoffrey was finishing off a fairly large blueberry muffin he had snagged from Janet during lunch while Janet paced between her friend and a garbage pail to occupy herself. Her fingers in knots, her face all wrinkled with worrisome thoughts. Geoffrey spoke lightly.

“He shouldn't be much longer. So he'll be two minutes late, big deal.”

Janet turned to her optimistic friend with a soul piercing stare, “Oh, but it IS a big deal! He said one hour, not one hour and two minutes!” She griped harshly towards him, Geoffrey turned his attention away from the unsettling stare. To his surprise he spotted the man they were looking for. Three strangers followed him. Curious, Janet looked in the same direction Geoffrey was staring into. She clapped her hands together, an ear to ear grin was fixed onto her face. “Oh, goody! They finally showed up! What took you so long!? You are all two minutes late!” Geoffrey hid his face in his hand. Embarrassed.

Giovanni pretended to look upset, “I am so ashamed of myself! A whole two minutes...Wasted. I hope you can forgive me, since I brought the party together.” He motioned with his right hand to the three people standing behind him. Janet scanned everyone warily to see if they were truly worthy of joining. Geoffrey simply waved to them. Giovanni was amused by Janet's thorough inspection. “How are they, sergeant?”

Janet did not make a single noise as she looked over the new members. There were two teenagers and one kid at least two years younger than Janet. The eldest of the three was a peppy looking techno girl who wore an orange visor over her eyes. Her plum hair was braided and nearly reached the lower torso. She bowed to Janet and spoke out softly to her. “Nice to meet you, I'm Alice. The geek, I guess you could say. I'll be the 'medic' and the 'tracker' for our team.” Janet gave one more quick eyeballing before focusing her attention on the next member.

The male teenager was rather skittish, he constantly fiddled with his thumbs and never wanted to meet his eyes with Janet's, he looked uneasy and terribly shy. His shadow black hair was mostly tied back with a few strands poking out in front of his face, his complexion rivaled that of a ghost's. He was arguably the tallest and thinnest of the group which he seemed he didn't enjoy at all. Janet attempted several times to make him talk, but the male just timidly stayed silent. He shuffled his way behind the youngest and last member, who looked greatly related to him.

“Don't mind my brother.” The youngest commented on his behaviour, Janet looked over. “He was born with no real spine of his own, so I'm his substitute. I speak for the both of us. My name is Jordan, his is Terry.” Like Terry, Jordan had the same coloured hair, but it was much shorter and it mostly clumped up at the front and flipped upwards. He was tanner than his brother, freckles littered his arms like a mine field. Jordan's glaring stare made Janet feel queezy, she couldn't stare him directly in the eye.

“...So.” Janet spat out, trying her best to sound calm, “what will you and your brother be doing?”

“Well, my brother is the medium weapons guy. I, on the other hand, am handling the handy explosives.” Jordan replied in a proud fashion, Terry sheepishly nodded.

“And I am the heavy weapons man,” Giovanni broke into the conversation, flexing a muscle at his fellow team mates, “you can all just stand behind me since I am a tank~”

“Then I guess I can be our blunt weapons man,” Geoffrey trotted over to the group after he finished his swiped muffin, “that leaves Janet with light weapons.” He grinned slyly, “Sucks to be her.”

Janet stomped her foot on the tiled floor, “Hey! Not fair! I wanted the blunt weapons, you knew that!” As Janet argued with Geoffrey Giovanni eyed the time on his watch. He clapped his hands for everyone's attention, the sudden noise made Terry jump.

“Hate to break up the couple's bickering, but the game is about to start, if we wanted to participate we would have to get in line right now,” Giovanni said with a superior tone to his voice, Janet gave one last angry punch to her friend before venturing into the line with a couple other teams have camped out at. While everyone rushed into the line Jordan stayed behind a few more minutes to set his watch's timer, Terry watched in silence, as if afraid to speak out. Jordan glared up at his brother, wearing him down quickly to crack a small squeak noise.

Jordan shook his head slowly, “I do all the talking, got it?”

Terry nodded, speaking in an almost inaudible voice, “G..Got it...”

*

The team suited up for the game, while everyone wore relatively light armour (except Terry who wore next to none besides wearing leather gloves) Giovanni was draped in top heavy armour which he seemed to have troubles standing straight in. Janet laughed directly at his dismay, the man was unamused. His teeth clenched together, he waved his fake machine gun at her, “watch it or I'll pump you with foam.” He warned, Janet held back the rest of her giggles, but everyone knew it was too amusing to not laugh at. The room was dimly lit, the only source of light was a small blue light bulb at the centre of the room, the light made Alice glow as if she was dead which frightened Terry into hiding in the closet where they had retrieved their armour.

“I'm sorry Terry! I don't mean to do this, it's the silly lighting.” Alice apologized kindheartedly, though her intentions to calm Terry proved ineffective. He did not move from his hiding spot. She sighed deeply to herself, ashamed, “I didn't mean to terrify the poor boy...” She tuned her locator instrument carefully, it was dangling loosely around her neck from a leather strap. Geoffrey patted Alice on the back, his foam pipe gripped tightly in his other hand. She gave a small smile to him, he blushed.

“He's just not used to everyone, most likely,” Geoffrey suggested, looking at Jordan to see if he was correct. The younger brother shrugged, it seemed not even he understood his brother.

“All I know is that he's more nervous around females than males. Not sure why,” Jordan spoke down at the ground while he regarded at his fake explosives. Janet eyed them as well, they looked more real than any of the other weapons here, they could probably pass as the real deal in a security centre.

Amongst their chatting the intercom suddenly screeched to life.
-The game will now start in ten seconds, a bell will sound when the game begins. Everyone please stand clear of the doorways until the game begins. Thank you.-

Terry slowly removed himself from the closet with his shotgun close to his self, Janet signalled the individual over to the door where everyone waited around. Giovanni made last minute preparations to his armour and gun, attempting to lighten his load. “Get ready...” The man said on cue to the countdown buzzer. Everyone waited in anticipation for the final bell to ring, they were all ready to dart out into the play field. Shortly the final bell rang, the electronic doors swung open slowly with a rush of air blasting the team.

Finally, the game had started.

Billy Fish wrote:And, yes, I can tell you were tired... I would like to see it revised. Personally, I edit better than I write, so I could help if you wanted.

Editing would help, since I'm not that good at it XD
Glad someone likes it thus far.

New Chapter Added.
(Sorry for the double post)

I'm going to take this home and work on it for a while.

It's an interesting story with a unique concept and it makes good use of dramatic pauses/ chapter breaks/ cliff hangers to keep the reader interested.

However... there are a lot of mechanical errors- runons, fragments, period/ comma missusage that break the flow.

Mostly I'm interested in helping you clarify the wording, though. Some times it's unsure or repetative which makes it confusing. In other parts there is too much or too little description which gives a vague or fuddled sense. Nothing is extremly wrong with it, it just needs fine combing for perfection.

I hope you don't mind my Super Critic Annalytical Skillz of Doom?

205 POST W00T YEAH!!!

Critics are welcome. They help, after all XD No one ever does, so I'm pretty damn happy (I'm a loser :B)

They're all valid, and ya I do repeat....A lot....A very lot...It's a habit that I sorta grew into. I love the help, I really do. Although, I do get embarrased really easily. I guess cause everyone can see these crits, haha XD

The runons and fragments aren't intentional, I just don't seem to catch them, nor does anyone ever point them out. So, power to you that you did, otherwise I wouldn't have noticed <3

Clarifying is my enemy. It always has been, I always get that when we hand in stuff at school ;_; and no one ever gets specific about it. Or, they never truly clarify what they mean...HAH.

Although, I do have a small request. If you are helpinhg my edit and such, send all of it to my e-mail account, alright? I don't want this to get too cluttered, is all.

How come you couldn't be my English teacher? Hate to say it, but you're better than mine! XD

Well, I'm sure you'll be great help for this story~

Ya, you just described my teacher....

[quote="Billy FishI... I practically have an essay of stuff to tell you, sitting here beside me... if only computers could absorb information... I shall type it later[/quote]

I.....I am both excited and scared S-should I be?

So when will I recieve the edit? I don't want to continue until I get it XD

Well, video games do come first...
...
Don't take too long now XD